Family Overview

No family is perfect all the time. There will be an occasional disagreement, sibling rivalries or some miscommunication. These tend to happen when there is some other stress in life, maybe in the job or the car needs a major repair.

Children are helpless when they come into the world, so they are wholly dependent on their parents or caregiver. They are biologically programmed to seek the approval of their parents and their affection.

Parents should provide the basic needs of a child by:

Setting clear boundaries
Providing affection and discipline
Taking care of health
Making sure you are provided with a good education
Ensuring you provided with enough food and clean clothes

Behaviors Of Toxic Parents

There are numerous behaviors of toxic parents that damage the self esteem of their children. Those behaviors include:

Mocking or belittling your choices
Attacking your vulnerable points
Sexual comments about your body
Gaslighting - form of emotional abuse and manipulation by inappropriate touching
Name-calling
Physical violence
Chipping away at your self-esteem
Harsh or very extreme criticism
Sexual abuse
No regard for your boundaries or your opinions
You can’t communicate with them
They drag you into heated arguments
You are afraid of being abandoned as you haven’t received enough love
They make you anxious so you keep your distance and don’t make eye contact
You have been parentified, which means you have been given too many responsibilities
You have been infantilized as an adult child but treated like a kid
You are thinking of leaving
You feel inexperienced because your parents keep doing everything for you

Sometimes the boundaries between the child or children and the parent is blurred, which is called enmeshment. The parents view the child as an extension of themselves. This is an extreme form of rejection of the child's identity and boundaries.

Abandonment is just the opposite of enmeshment, and it’s equally toxic. This occurs when parents do not provide adequate care and love for their children. This can be straight-up child abuse.

Causes of Some Toxic Treatment

Parents typically raise their children the same way they were raised. There is a cultural component to some abuse. They do not question their unhealthy parenting behaviors.

Some parents are simply selfish. They feel like they sacrificed so much for their child.

Final Thoughts

There’s no right or wrong way to deal with toxic family members. Sometimes, people choose to cut off the relationship. If it is not safe to be around them, then you may have to completely cut them off.

Others try hard to work with family by limiting contact with the toxic family members, but they may try to talk it out. Sometimes, regular family counseling sessions with you may be the only option, but that depends on the toxic family member cooperating.

You have the right to cut the family member completely off if they won’t agree to getting some help. You may need some individual counseling.