It’s funny how a fistful of Benjamins makes everyone a financial expert. I mean, it would be the same advice I’d hear from my financial advisor if I had one, but I don’t, so I can ignore it. You can, too, with these very sound arguments I’m about to gift you with. If anyone tries to tell you to use your bribe wisely, just pick one, or all, of these quick comebacks.

Excuse #1: This one is more avoidance than reason, but it works.

“You’re not my mom; you can’t tell me what do do.”

There’s nothing anyone can say to this. Partly because the immaturity will stun them, but who cares? Their lame advice will fall on your ears no more.

What if it is your mom telling you to pay off debt? Maybe you even owe her money for college loans, insurance, or the car you smashed. Take a lesson from teens: wear headphones nonstop. When she mentions money you can point to them and tell her you can’t hear her — or ignore her completely-- and walk out of the room.

Excuse #2: It’s your life

“I can do what I want.”

And you can. You control the outcome of your life. Only you know your deepest dreams and desires. Make them come true by buying all the things. You know it’ll make you happy.

Just think of how it’ll feel to carry that PS5 in your arms. Or how beautiful the weight of that 72" screen tv will be. You’ll wow your friends and enemies with the best wardrobe, nails, and eyelashes money can buy. Nothing feels better than watching an enemy sulk in your glory. Trust me.

Excuse #3: Life is short

“I want to live life to the fullest.”

You’re going to die. Maybe not today, but you never know. Guess what happens to that debt when you die? That’s right. It’s not your problem anymore.

Now, what happens if you don’t have fun with that money and choose to pay off debt instead? You live a boring, debt-free life. You get to sit in your bland apartment, impressing no one, with nothing to enjoy. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.

Avoidance is always the best policy

That debt will always be there for you to deal with tomorrow. Will you always be able to afford that purse by that one-person’s-name-I-can’t-pronounce? No. Can you get those really popular expensive sneakers whenever you want? Also no.

Calls from debt-collectors can be ignored. Do you know what can’t be ignored? You rocking a new tattoo and solid-gold necklace.

Don’t be afraid to take that fistful of money, throw caution to the wind, and jump head-first into further debt. You do you. Ultimately, it’s your decision, but I think I know what you really want to do with that money, and I hope these excuses help you get everything you want out of life.