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3 Qualities You Need In A Partner For A Long-Lasting Relationship

What makes the relationships that last? Let's consider a few of them.


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Joshua Idegbere

5 months ago | 3 min read
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#Self-discipline

What makes the relationships that last?|PEXEL

What brings you together may not keep you together. I’m not just saying this, I know from experience.

Virtually each of my relationships started out the same way: I found her attractive, befriended her, we went on a few dates, ask her out and a few days later we started dating.

While one ended before 6 months into the relationship, the other is waxing stronger and better even after 15 months into it.

Given these two situations, it suffices to say that love is not enough. Love and/or attractive physical attraction alone can't sustain a relationship. In other words, a long-lasting relationship demands more than loving someone or finding them attractive.

What then makes the difference?

What makes the relationships that last?

Let's consider a few of them:

1. The Ability to Forgive

Especially when you live together or cohabiting, your partner is going to be the person you will offend the most, and vice versa.

Close relationships are often marred by interpersonal offenses. Conflict and social harm can take a considerable toll on our psychological and physical well-being and some argue that happiness depends to a large extent on how we respond to and recover from these painful experiences.¹

For this unique reason, having someone who really can forgive is important.

In our 15 months of dating, I and my girlfriend have gotten on each other's nerves very often. Sometimes I get offended when she makes requests in a manner I find quite offensive. Other times, she finds it weird how I react to minor issues.

Despite our misunderstandings and conflicts, we are still together and keeping the relationship running. How is that possible?

Forgiveness.

Specifically, we let go of having to be right and focus on the advantages of forgiveness over anger and our personal ego.

The ability to forgive and seek forgiveness significantly contributes to marital satisfaction and is one of the most important factors that affect relationship longevity.

You need this quality for a long-term romantic relationship.

2. Self-discipline

The American Psychological Association (APA) found that infidelity is the reason for up to 40 percent of all divorces.

The truth of the matter is this: compared to other human errors or misbehavior, the infidelity issue is quite difficult to deal with.

Once it happens, you may never trust that person even if you forgive them. And being unable to trust your partner will negatively affect your relationship.

One thing that has kept my current relationship alive is that I and my girlfriend have kept to our promise never to cheat on each other no matter what.

It has not only prevented emotional insecurity in our relationships; it had also improved our understanding of each other needs.

For that reason, we don't have a problem with trust and insecurities, and this has led to a deeper sense of satisfaction in our relationship.

When people have greater self-control, they're often happier and more satisfied with their relationship. They're more likely to be attuned to their partner's needs, and to have a better understanding of their own needs and how they fit into the intricate tapestry of the partnership.²

If you're in a relationship for the long term, you need to look out for this quality.

Last,

3. Humility to consider other points of view.

Marriage is a journey.

The couples will be saddled with decision-making at various transitioning stages of the journey.

  • Childbearing: Whether or not to give birth. When to give birth and when to start family planning.The number of children. Who takes care of the children.
  • Finance: Whether to have separate or joint accounts. Principle of spending. The percentage of the total to support each parent with.
  • House chores: shared or not.

These are only three of the several decision-making areas in marriage.
The worst thing ever is to have someone who is not open to the opinion of their partners. Someone who always wants their idea to win. And forces the idea upon their partner.

A close friend who is from a broken home told me the event that led to it.

His Dad doesn’t consider the opinion or take advice from the wife.

Before the marriage collapsed, he went to borrow an enormous amount of money to lobby a lawyer in a court case where all the odds were against him.

The wife advised him against it.

He didn’t listen.

Eventually, he lost the case.

And now the bank took over his properties that served as collateral for the money he borrowed.

The situation got so bad. The man took to drinking and drugs. He started abusing the woman until she had no option but to file for divorce.

Someone who does not consider your opinion is a risk factor of having a broken marriage. A true partner listens, is open, and to their partner’s point of view.

The good news is these qualities can be developed. If your partner doesn’t already have them, with your assistance, they can cultivate them starting today.

How?

Practice.

Soon, they will get better at them towards a long-lasting quality relationship life.

Thanks for your time.

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Joshua Idegbere

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I am Joshua Idegbere and this is my column. Stories with actionable tips to help you make the most of your life, career and relationships. Welcome!


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