3 Reasons I Hear to Remain Single That Will Keep You Single
These three bits of advice to remain single will only keep you single if you are looking for a relationship. Read on to find out what they are.
This article is not for people that want to be single at this current moment. I have been there, and it is a great place to be if you desire to be alone.
However, for those who are single and seek companionship, it can be challenging. As I was coming out of my phase of singleness with no boundaries, I desired companionship above everything.
Not that I felt empty, but I believed that being with someone would improve my life. And to no surprise, I was right. Everything about my life changed, and I also lived with more purpose than ever.
Whilst seeking and waiting for my partner to enter my life, I would often listen to content that supposedly helped me out of my loneliness. Some of it was for comfort because all they would say is stuff like, “Wait, your time will come”.
However, some people believed they were giving “expert” advice to single people. Because of taking no person seriously up to this point, it was hard for me to understand what a good relationship was. And coming from a broken home helped neither.
So, I took a lot of the stuff these content creators were saying to me on board. After all, they were happily married and appeared to have what I wanted. Unfortunately, after being in a relationship, you realise a lot of that content was garbage.
Most of the terrible advice came from people telling me why I should remain single. Although I know the benefits of a single life, these three reasons hindered my personal growth.
The advice given to me blocked me from finding a good and healthy relationship. As a result, I had many encounters that could have gone well if I had not adhered to these three things.
So, here are the three reasons people tell you to remain single that will keep you single. And if you are searching for a loving relationship, these three things lead to the exact opposite you want. They all sound good on the surface but are not a practical way to look for loving relationships.
#1 Do Not Settle For Less Than You Deserve
I used to love this advice because it made me feel good about myself. Yes, I was not perfect, but I still felt entitled to certain things. After all, I held myself to high standards, so I should expect the same from my partner. This advice kept me alone for a long time and made me feel good about it.
From this advice, you get people writing a list of what they would like their future partner to have. It might be materialistic, such as nice eyes or over 6 feet tall. And for others, it may be more intrinsic, like caring and outgoing.
These things can make us happier, and it is essential to hold ourselves to a standard. No one deserves to be treated poorly by someone else. However, there is one massive problem.
I have only been in my relationship for a year, and I can tell you relationships are not about what you deserve. When we think about what we deserve, we focus on our wants. Not settling for less is believing that our wants are not fulfilled by the other person.
Unfortunately, all your wants will never be found in one individual. It is unrealistic to think that, and if you do, you will probably search for it forever. We can not expect other individuals to fulfil all the things we want from life. It is an unfair expectation.
We could not do it for others, so why think someone could do it for us. Relationships are not about fulfilling your wants, they are all about giving. Any good companionship is based on the ethos of sharing and giving to one another.
The joy of a relationship is not fulfilling your wants, it is seeing the other person happy. When we only think about what we deserve, we become blind to the other person, and the relationship breaks down.
#2 Your Life Should Become Easier
Another one I heard was this advice during dating. Supposedly, feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders when you are with the person.
Suddenly, the despair of being alone and managing by yourself is gone. Thanks to your new founded partner, life becomes easier. According to my relationship gurus, if life feels harder together, remain single.
The only problem is, a relationship is not some automated robot that sorts itself out. Take time out to develop and grow it just like anything else in life. Being single is the easy way out. You have so much more to do when you have another person to think about, especially when you care for them.
The difference between singleness and companionship is not that life is easier. It is that life appears to hold much more meaning when with someone. Every day you wake up knowing that someone you care for is thinking about you and loves you dearly.
Relationships are tough and will sometimes drive you up the wall. But what keeps you together is not the ease of life. It is the meaning you bring to one another. Humans are social animals, and each good connection we make with others adds value to us.
#3 You Need to Have Discovered Yourself First
Often, single people are comforted by these words. Tonnes of people will tell you it is vital you have found yourself. You need to grow as an individual first and know what you want.
In one sense, I agree with this. Forming an attachment with someone else requires you to make compromises and changes. For someone who does not know themselves, this could be damaging. They may live their whole life never knowing who they were.
However, self-discovery does not take a period of singleness. It is a journey that we take through our lives. Being with someone can also teach you things about yourself you never knew.
Plus, we are not that great at understanding ourselves, anyway. We are often surprised when people point out things about our character that we were blind to. Part of this is because we live in auto-pilot most of the time with a list of habits to complete.
We rarely observe our behaviours to understand ourselves. That is why self-reflection is so essential to fulfilment. You never fully know yourself before getting into a relationship, and in some sense, that is a good thing. It leaves you open to exploring new things with the person you seek to be with long-term.
A Couple Things to Think About
Instead of thinking about what you want, think about what you seek to give. Do not seek an easy life, but one that strengthens you. And the journey to knowing yourself is completed at the end of life.
If you are single and looking for love, I wish you all the best. You are seeking a wonderful thing that can change your life, as long as you will allow it to.
I am a Visionary and Writer who seeks to enrich society by challenging how we do business today to lead to a world of better leaders and opportunities tomorrow.