3 Toxic Attitudes That Can Break Any Relationship
These attitudes can break any relationship irrespective of the stage the partners permit them into their relationship. By all means, avoid them.
Let’s begin with a very significant truth about relationships: relationships are important. You can’t be truly happy with your life without the warmth and joy that comes from loving someone and being loved in return.
Research has it that social connections bring more happiness into people's lives and so facilitate a more meaningful existence. Not only that, satisfying relationships also promote better health and even longer life.
According to an article published by The Harvard Gazette,
"Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes. That finding proved true across the board among both the Harvard men and the inner-city participants."
You may wonder why relationships have so much influence on our well-being. Here's why:
Relationships are connected to some of our strongest emotions. For that reason, when they are positive, we feel happiness, contentment, and calm. From that standpoint, it becomes quite easier to achieve other goals we may have for ourselves.
But then there are certain attitudes that can destroy just any relationship. By effect, bringing about the reverse of those benefits of healthy social ties and human relationships. Chances are you're ignorant of their effect, just like my previous self.
We will consider just three. So that if you are guilty of any, you should start working on not repeating those attitudes in your relationship. Also you could draw the attention of your partner to the effect of those attitudes if they are the ones guilty of these attitude.
What are these toxic attitudes?
1. Comparing your partner with your ex
Nobody feels comfortable being compared to someone else.
Constantly comparing your partner to someone else who is probably better than them makes your partner feel small, increases their anxiety and stress level, and forces them to shrink into their shell.
It also stirs negative emotions like low self-esteem, low self-worth and suppresses their talents.
The negative emotions triggered by that attitude can suffocate the love your partner has for you. Until they eventually distance themselves from you or totally avoid you. As they feel better without you than being around you.
Unhealthy comparison steals the joy in your relationship.
Comparing your partner to someone else brings out the worst in them. You can't keep up with that attitude and get the best of them. If they don't secretly nurse revenge, they'll get disappointed in you and emotionally detach from you. In the end, you end up losing them.
Stop comparing your partner to your ex or just anybody. If you have a need, you feel they do not meet in the relationship, be open about it. And tell them why it is important to you. It is a better way to communicate your needs than comparing them to someone else.
2. Taking your partner for granted
One of the worst things you can do to your partner is to take them for granted. It takes a toll on their emotions and psychological health.
Taking your partner for granted makes them feel worthless, lowers their self-esteem, and makes the relationship unhealthy.
My friend was in love with a guy who was used to not appreciating her little kindness. It's the same even when she goes out of her way to meet his needs.
The relationship ended after three years and eight months. Two months later, she met a new guy. Few months into their relationship, she was literally a different person. Her mood brightened. She gained some weight. You can literally feel an aura of peace and self-confidence around her. This was completely the opposite experience of her previous relationship.
One night we were chatting. I asked her if she would consider going back to her ex if she had the chance. " Josh, that relationship was literally bondage. His attitude was killing me. I always felt I was not doing enough till I was burnt out trying to please him. The worst part is that he doesn't even acknowledge it. I would rather stay alone than be in that bondage again!"
Are you taking your partner for granted?
- Do you appreciate their little kindness?
- Do you acknowledge their getting out of their way just for you?
- Do you tell them or write them a text expressing how much you really love them?
If you haven't been doing these, you are unknowingly pushing them to the wall. This will make them grow tired and it will make them slowly give up on you and your relationship. A person who grows tired, disappointed, and used is not a person who can remain in love with their partner.
Intentionally make your partner feel loved and appreciated. Anything short of that means you're taking them for granted. And nobody wants to stay in that kind of relationship.
3. Flirting with the opposite sex in the presence of your partner
Some years back, my ex-girlfriend came over on a weekend. We had a nice time until the night we went to get a barbecue. I was on a call and she proceeded to place our order. I sat just a few distances away to secure a seat in the restaurant.
The next thing I saw was my girlfriend talking and smiling with a guy who's standing side by side with her. As she was about to go, the guy held her hands and winked at her, and she smiled back at him.
I didn't say a word till we got home. She knew I was angry and promised never to repeat it.
Being a very social person, she really saw nothing wrong with it.
However, I saw it as a big disrespect. To me, flirting with another guy in the presence of your partner is a big disrespect to them.
By all means, avoid flirting with guys in the presence of your partner. It belittles them. And nobody likes that feeling. The same goes for the guys. Never flirt with another lady when your girlfriend is with you. They feel belittled and taken for a fool. Who enjoys feeling this way?
These negative emotions can subsequently make your partner feel disappointed and lose their trust in you.
These attitudes may seem little. But they poison the love and inflict irreparable damages in your relationship. So keep these attitudes away from your relationship else they will break your relationship irrespective of the stage you and your partner permit them into your love life.
If you desire a happy and long-lasting relationship with your partner, keep these toxic attitudes away from your love life.
I am Joshua Idegbere and this is my column. Stories with actionable tips to help you make the most of your life, career and relationships. Welcome!