7 Good-Intended Behaviors That Can Make You A Loser

Unfortunately, even the good behaviors could be misunderstood and put you in trouble.


Kenan Kolday

3 years ago | 5 min read

Have you ever been in a situation that people got you totally wrong despite your good intentions? Are there times when people around you are not treating you nicely and fairly despite your good behaviors and actions? Then you are not alone. I am sure you have been through those just like millions of other people around the world.

If you want to be perceived or recognized as a loser despite your good-intentioned behaviors, below are seven behaviors you must avoid or be careful of.

1. Saying too much that you are sorry

It is normal and the right thing to say that you are sorry for making a mistake. If it is a demeanor, it is best to accept your mistake, apologize, and then win that broken heart again.

However, if you are frequently and excessively saying that you are sorry for irrelevant things and matters, people will surely get you wrong and perceive you as a weak personality.

2. Too much altruism

In a world of speed, wild consumption, addiction to pleasures, and materialism, many people have become more individualistic and self-centered. Many pre-modern virtues are not necessarily valued in this new wild world.

Only when these wild business people or self-centered individuals fall and need a piece of that forgotten humanism and neglected spirituality from the others and the One Source do they remember the existence of things beyond the visible world.

Altruism is unique virtue that only a few, including many mothers, possess. However, in a universe relying on the opposites’ equilibrium, good and evil, right and wrong, beautiful and ugly, even a good virtue needs to be exercised with prudence. Exhibiting a virtue in an optimum way is the sweet spot of wisdom, only a few could understand and apply.

Excessive altruism and self-sacrifice will surely be misunderstood as the receivers will get used to that and subconsciously think that there is more you can do. Especially if they are not making any effort to benefit from this noble virtue, they will not correctly assess your wisdom’s true value.

That is why free training does not sell much all around the world, even if you explain the path to bliss.

Don`t step back from exhibiting any virtue but exercise it at the right time, in the right place, in the right ratio, and for the right people. Remember the virtuous words of Jesus.

Cast not pearls before swine.”

Refrain from wasting good things on people who will not appreciate them.

3. Too much humility

This is another great virtue many people do not recognize and despise.

In a world where reaching information has been easier, faster, and simpler than ever, you will see many people learning things without depth and sell them to others without any life experiences.

It is common to see charismatic with good people skills people but without knowledge and experience convince others only with their strong body language and striking words.

People with a good hold of rhetoric, influential skills, strong ego drives, and manipulative tactics tend to become successful faster than others with humility.

That does not make humility a bad thing not does it make people with humility bad or weak. Remember the words of Jesus again.

4. Not being direct and precise in communication.

Over-talking, over-explaining, giving more than enough examples, speaking too much with vague comments will very soon, in a conversation, suggest to your audience that you do not know what you are speaking of. Simplicity is the key to wisdom. If you cannot explain something simple enough to a 6-years-old child, then you either do not know what you are speaking of or do not have verbal/linguistic intelligence, as explained in Howard Gardner`s 8 Types of Intelligence. If it is the latter, that is an opportunity to make an improvement. If you have a problem with the first one, that means you need to learn your lessons before speaking.

5. Complaining frequently about life`s challenges

It is OK to share problems with trusted friends or a coach to seek advice and to find a solution. However, suppose your daily language becomes a never-ending inner critic and verbal language of criticism, accusations, and judgments. In that case, you will immediately be seen as someone incapable of coping with the harsh waters of life and solve your problems. Beyond that, this behavior is toxic and will kill your spirit.

6. Asking frequently for help

During the Neolithic Period, people used to depend on themselves to survive and equip themselves will all the required skills. As the tribes grew and became cities full of many people, specialization took over, and people started exchanging goods and services and then trading with money later on. Since those times a long time ago, we have been relying on each other to succeed. Everything in life is inter-dependent.

Therefore, it is OK to ask for help. No one is strong enough to be successful alone, unlike how modern culture presents in movies, films, TV series, and social media.

Just do your best first to try and then ask for help in times when you need that help. Otherwise, you will not learn and be dependent on others.

7. Lack of ability to draw clear lines

Life is full of good and evil, so people of both clothes will show up in your life to test both your values and to hold a mirror to unveil your opportunities. When life hits you with hard, rude, harsh, cruel, unfair, evil, and bad people, you should be able to draw a clear line unless you want to be abused or let toxic people shadow your heart and cloud your mind.

Inability to draw clear lines between you and those who create great discomfort in you will be perceived as a major weakness and will be abused. More compromises will lead to greater sacrifices until you have nothing to give other than your soul.

Most people confuse drawing a hard line with reacting with strong emotions, usually with anger, so that you push that person off. This is similar to Spartan warriors pushing the enemy offensive with their shields before the plunging attack.

It is possible to stand strong with compassion. You do not have to be hard and harsh. You can be kind and still be powerful. In fact, those who stand for themselves only with crude strength prepare for a bad destiny that will come and find them weak or unprepared.

I am sure you want to succeed and get what you deserve instead of being a loser in life. So, understand the seven advice above and apply them carefully in your life. Please refrain from being strong unless you act with compassion because life is too short to win alone and break the hearts of good-intentioned people around you.

Here is another thing. As long as you know you are doing the right thing, nothing else matters. So, if your heart is in the right place and you are still a loser in the eyes of others, it may be the time to evaluate who needs to stay with you or not.


Created by

Kenan Kolday

Fortune 500 Corporate leader, spiritual coach, published author, & futurist. Kenan Kolday is an Industrial Engineer with an MBA and is recognized as an accomplished leader with 23 years of experience in global companies. In light of his life mission to make a meaningful difference in others' lives for a better world, he published 7 books, spent 20,000+ hours in spiritual development, coached others for 2000+ hours, delivered 120+ seminars, and led 3 start-ups & 2 transitions. Read his ROBOT WITH A SOUL TRILOGY to discover future trends and the path to self-mastery. The book unites philosophy, science, and theology, including the ancient wisdom of Hindu and Buddhist sages. too. Visit for all his books.







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