In boxing, they say it’s the punch you don’t see coming that knocks you out.

Katherine Dunn

Despite my successful battle against various mental illnesses, I still have bad days. Sometimes these bad days extend to weeks.

I have lived with PTSD for 18 years with the accompanying depression for 11 of those. If you are not alert to the signs, mental illnesses can strike with an intensity that knocks you off your feet and threaten to overwhelm you.

Thankfully, I have so much experience that I can spot their approach from a mile away. An episode may as well arrive with neon lights. By recognizing the early signs, I can prepare myself. I might give myself more time to rest, be gentler with my mistakes, spend more time around family or reach out and talk to someone.

I want to share with you the signs that tell me a depressive tsunami is approaching so that you can recognize them in your own life. Perhaps you have other warning signs to add to the list.

1. Dreams.

Dreams are a gift from my subconscious. They give me a heads up about what I feel below the surface. A series of nightmares always warn me that choppy waters are on the horizon.

Recently I have been plagued by nightmares about my experiences as a police officer. I mention this first because it is happening right now. These come in two forms.

First, I frequently dream of being attacked, defending myself, and being put in prison. Fighting is always a losing situation, and many people can avoid conflict by running away. As a police officer, running away is not possible, and sometimes you are called to arrest the most violent and dangerous people in society. Occasionally these people will resist no matter how much you try to persuade them. I dreaded hurting them as much as being hurt myself.

Second, my dreams reenact discovering the various haunting murders and suicides that I encountered. These dreams highlight that a “down spell” is imminent.

2. Irritability.

This is a big one as it can easily lead to a downward spiral. At times like this, I overreact to everything, and if I am not careful, it leads to arguments with the people I love the most — my wife and mum. When I argue with them, I feel guilty for hours or days afterward, even when we make up.

Try to avoid these arguments at all costs. Depression feeds off the intensity of conflict and will use guilt to overwhelm me. I already felt like the worst person on earth, and now I have upset the people that care about me. How do I recover from that?

The solution is not to get pulled into that vicious cycle in the first place. I pay attention to myself and recognize irritability rising in me at the first opportunity. Once I feel it, I stop and create distance between myself and the situation.

I like to go for a short walk when the anger rises. This gives me 20 minutes to cool off and then return with a clearer head. No argument, no guilt. Instead, I take pride that I have achieved this level of self-control.

3. Loss of Joy.

I am lucky as the things I do every day bring me joy and satisfaction. I look forward to writing, reading, relaxing, and so much more.

Except when I don’t…

The previous two warning signs give me plenty of notice. By the time I reach this one, I am in the eye of the storm.

At this stage, I feel there is little to look forward to. It is an effort to get out of bed and motivate myself to do anything.  Writing becomes a burden that I have to force myself to do. When I finish an article, it looks like garbage. Reading makes my brain ache, and I am lucky to complete a page a day compared to my usual speed of a book per week.

This is the beginning of depression. With any luck, it won’t stay long.

With painful practice, I can sometimes detach from depression and observe it as if it was happening to someone else. I ask myself, what is my depression trying to teach me? Why has it come to me now?

Some of the greatest life lessons come from suffering and failure. It is hard to go much lower than depression.

4. Change of Appetite.

Some people lose their appetite when a mental health slump approaches. As an extension of point 3 above, they find no joy in eating.

Not me.

I eat like a horse. It’s a comfort thing. Sweets, crisps, ice cream, chocolate — why do we never crave lettuce or carrots?

One of the side effects of my medication is weight gain and a vast increase in appetite. Combine this with the change in appetite associated with depression, and you can see why I gained 90lbs in a year back in 2008.

You may be stronger than me, but it is my experience that willpower is not enough. Thankfully, I have lost a lot of that weight, but I don’t rely on willpower. Instead, I don’t have the bad foods listed above in the house. If I don’t buy them, I can’t eat them.

5. Physical Symptoms.

Depression physically manifests in my body. I never knew a mental illness could be so powerful.

Your physical symptoms may be different, but mine include headaches, joint pain, and overall grogginess.

I MUST take it easy and find ways to relax by this point. My body is demanding rest. My energy level will be at its lowest, and I have to ride it out. I know the lousy spell will end. I just don’t know when.

It’s ok not to know.

I treat yourself with as much kindness as I would if I had the flu — or a brutal bout of Covid. I remind myself that I am not weak, I am ill.

6. Preoccupation with Past Events.

This is exacerbated tenfold due to my PTSD and depression working together.

One minute I am watching TV. The next, I am in a scene from my policing days with all the sights, sounds, and smells that accompany it. PTSD ensures that I relive past traumas in the form of flashbacks and intrusive thoughts.

I would relive these scenes in the old days as if I was there. I would cry uncontrollably, shake, sweat and scream. By the end, I would be curled up in a ball, sobbing on the floor.

Now, this rarely happens but the thoughts still force their way in. Even after seeing the same scenes thousands of times in these flashbacks, they never lose their intensity.

Depression preoccupies me with past events in a different way. It preys on my conscience. Everything I have ever done that I regret comes up with depression. My nagging inner voice wants to remind me of every time I ever upset someone and every argument or selfish deed I ever engaged in to make me feel like the worst person in the world.

7. Compulsions.

I display more obsessive behavior when approaching a mental health downswing. This involves checking that the front door is locked multiple times before bed, checking the sinks for potential leaks, checking that I haven’t lost my bank cards, checking that the floor isn’t wet.

Checking, Checking, Checking. Over and over.

Even as I am doing it, I know it’s stupid and I don’t need to do it. That’s when the inner voice kicks in.

If I decide not to check the front door at least five times to make sure it’s locked, my inner voice says:

“Are you really going to risk someone breaking in and killing your wife in the night just because you stubbornly wouldn’t check the front door?”

Needless to say, I check the door…

Conclusion.

As you can see, the onslaught of mental health problems rarely comes out of the blue. On the contrary, the whole thing is very well signposted, providing you can read the language.

Dreams, irritability, and intrusive memories are the first signs for me. By recognizing these, I am better able to endure the rest.

The arrival of compulsions, physical symptoms, loss of joy, and a change in appetite signal the episode is imminent, but with preparation, I can ride out this storm.

To reassure you, my first depression lasted ten years. I didn’t know anything about the subject. I didn’t prepare, and I didn’t know how to get out of it. I was clueless.

I have considered myself depression-free for the past five years, and I can live with PTSD. Yes, as I mentioned above, I have bad periods, but these typically last between a few days and a couple of weeks because I see them coming, and I look after myself.

I am no longer fearful of these episodes. Preparation is everything.

Get my FREE 5-day email course on Self Improvement.

Each day I cover a different topic that will improve your life. From defeating Procrastination to Overcoming Social Anxiety. All you have to do is sign up here.