How I Attracted the Love of My Life
Being true to yourself isn’t always easy.
I have recently met the love of my life. Every morning I wake up feeling surprised at how right it feels. At the inner knowing in my body that each time I check-in, simply says a big full YES.
I never had that before. And the novelty of it keeps surprising me…really? Is this really happening?
In all my past relationships, of course, I went through the ‘in-love’ stage first before reality started to hit the ground and interesting dynamics to assert themselves. Probably the same will happen here.
Same same but different. Because as much as I believe that we will get into dynamics that will need our attention and we, like all couples, will need to deal with ‘daily’ life kicking in and the love bubble becoming slightly less shiny, I never felt this deep trust and certainty of:
Yep, you are the one I want to do this with. All the way. No matter what.
In all my past relations doubt was always lingering somewhere in the background. Always asking: is this it?
My relationship with this voice of doubt was usually one of dismissal. Either I didn’t want to listen to it at all, or I felt there was something wrong with me for having it there.
Maybe I just didn’t know how to open to love?
Maybe I needed to put more effort in? Maybe I needed to change myself?
Maybe there was something simply wrong with me and that’s all that I deserved.
Maybe there was something wrong with him and if only he could do some more inner work…sigh.
Maybe what I was longing for didn’t even exist and I was just too idealistic.
But the truth is that no matter how much I put this voice in the background, it stayed there. No matter how much I told myself to grow up and compromise because the perfect man is a dream for little girls, it stayed there: a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction that never disappeared.
In the end, when I broke up with my ex, it was simply because I couldn’t stand this feeling of inner conflict any more: I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than live in conflict with myself. Full Stop.
Now two years later, I reflect upon the blessing that has been bestowed upon me and I wonder, how did it happen? How did I attract this love into my life? And I realize that that choice I had made had been the magic moment.
I decided to be true to myself no matter what.
To be true to oneself I realize is really an art of living. Once we are true to ourselves everything becomes simple. This commitment to it is an act of self-love, of course, but it also comes from maturity, which is a realization that making things complicated simply doesn’t work. And it always hurts.
Once on the path of complicated everything becomes only more complicated.
More entangled, more twisted. And it becomes increasingly harder to come back to truth and simplicity as the emotional charge of all the past lies becomes only heavier in our being.
And when I speak of lies, I don’t mean the big stuff like cheating on your partner.
I speak of the little things that we withhold from each other. Like not fully showing up vulnerably because we are afraid to not be received. Like not attending to our emotional hygiene because we are tired but then blaming the other for not doing it for us etc.
There are so many ways that we learned how to mold ourselves into the person that we think we need to be in order to receive the love we want. And all those ways are moving us away from being true.
How to be more true to yourself moment to moment
Like I said in the title, it’s simple but not necessarily easy because of all the conditioning and overlays that we carry in our subconscious. However, there are three things we can do to get us started.
First: Speak from the I.
Second: Speak to what is alive in you in the present moment.
Third: Don’t interpret it and make assumptions about the consequences. Become aware of your needs instead.
This kind of truth is always simple.
It’s the difference between shouting at your partner: I want a man who can see me! And you are never there! Therefore I cannot live with you any longer!
and saying: I feel pain in my chest because I don’t feel seen by you. I need to take care of myself and I need a bit of distance.
If you become fully true to yourself, even if you are scared of it, you give the gift of freedom to your partner also. One cannot argue with truth. It’s impossible. It instantly releases everyone and allows them to come back into being true to themselves. Whether they will take the invitation or not.
You will know when it’s true by feeling a sense of relief and things simplifying and falling into place.
So how do we attract the love of our life? By becoming that love unto ourselves first and realising that Love loves Truth.
And that doesn’t mean that we never compromise. But when we do, it will be done consciously and spoken out loudly.
I wish you all happy practicing and may 2021 be a year of more truth and simplicity in all our relations.
Kasia's passion is embodiment and what it takes to become authentically human. Her background includes bodywork, psychedelics, counseling, meditation, art, dance, breathwork and HeartIq. She helps people to release trauma and cultivate a truly compassionate relationship to self, others and the beyond.