Not chasing someone else’s life
It is uniquely human to strive to be more.
To actualise as something bigger, better, grander. Take each year as a chance for growth and progress.
Humanity has indeed grown throughout its incarnation on Earth. We started in the trees as primates. Now we are a dominant species which have turned the world into our playground.
Maybe this is the problem. We dominate. We are not in relation to our environment. We don’t allow life to emerge around us and from within us.
We don’t just want to strive and survive in life. We want to thrive in abundance.
Here’s where the conflictive energy comes in. We have two options:
What do you do if you don’t know how to do something?
You look it up, or you ask someone.
You imitate that someone until you feel well versed and have assimilated those traits into “me”. This process of change takes around 3–6 months.
That is why you have to commit to change consistently.
There’s a snag here. If your motivation is for approval or you idealise that someone as the source of that behaviour, it will never be integrated as “me”. You will always give away the behavioural power.
For example: “I couldn’t do it without her.”
Some find inspiration for imitation in the animal world.
It is wholly possible to live an entire life in imitation, and there’s no judgement there either. Living life imitating others is how we get to collective culture; it is a good thing to do in some sense.
However, there must be a balance with personal integrity.
The world’s cultures have a kind of immune system functions to behaviour. If anyone acts out of the normative way of behaving, they get shame or aggression until they retreat or quiet.
We’re not so far away from our ape ancestors, after all.
What’s the second option?
Surrender to the intuitive talents you already have.
The strange fact here is that it’s much more fulfilling to surrender to wholeness in the long run.
It allows your true nature to emerge from you, the inspired, delighted and shiny lover you have inside you.
Did you ever see someone’s eyes shine with excitement?
They’ve surrendered to their wholeness, embraced themselves, and they know who they are and what their passion is.
A never-ending journey. Our wholeness continues to unfold over our lifetimes, to the moment of death and beyond.
After we’re gone, our legacy, to the people we love, is a kind of emergence of our wholeness — a deepening understanding of what it meant to be alive through the people who witnessed our life.
Many folks say that they still feel the energy of their loved ones after they’ve passed. Our energy is embedded in all that we do: The things we make, use, or consume.
Our ancestors shape the words that we use. Each of us put our slant on them.
The consensus in the West is that if you wait for your true essence to emerge, you’ll be eaten or somehow die in battle on the way.
There is fear inherent to this process. The egoic mind doesn’t like surrender at first, although it gets used to it after a couple of soulful and fulfilling occurrences confirm that it is a beautiful process.
The trick is that you have to get used to embracing the fear, feeling it in your body and waiting it out — unless you’re being chased by a bear or are in harm’s way in relation.
The paradox being that it is scary af to surrender to that uncertainty, especially if it’s the first moments and you’ve never waited for your true essence to emerge. The mind will tell you that there’s no way that it’s a good idea.
I promise you, it is.
I can’t promise you what will happen on the journey or how many hardships you will have to face because life is full of hardships, but I can promise you that it will be way more alive, meaningful, and fulfilling.
So what are the first steps to embracing wholeness?
First of all, you need to become a discernment master, observe your thoughts and feelings, your sensations.
Journal them, so they leave your body and become a thing on paper. You can discern and see the patterns of behaviour more easily this way.
If you need therapy or coaching, seek therapy or coaching. Support is key to living a fulfilled and wholesome life. We need each other. The right therapy always feels like a natural process.
The root of the word therapy comes from the Greek word therapeutein, which meant to be in service of, to care for, to cure dis-ease.
Take that responsibility on for yourself and find your solutions.
After observing your processes and patterns for a while, you’ll start to gain some space to respond to life.
You’ll notice what arises in you with respect to each different situation. You’ll be able to choose how to respond.
So many of us live in shame and scarcity mindsets, saying that we’d love to do this, but we could never, or when this is done, then I’ll do the thing that I want to do.
The thing that makes my heart sing.
Consistently, in the ‘Top Five Regrets Of The Dying’ by Bronnie Ware, people say that they wish they’d done what they wanted to do, not what others expected of them.
Here’s the stinger as well: What others expect of you is actually what you expect them to expect of you.
Most of the time, when you ask other people, they’ll confirm to you that they want you to do what lights you up, makes your heart sing and makes you prosperous and happy.
Time after time, I’ve talked to people who get to middle age and can’t do the job that they had expected would bring them everything they needed.
They take the less travelled road, set up by themselves or with a partner or group, and pursue their wholeness.
It might be a pay cut to start with. It might not. Let’s face it. We only strive for money because we associate it with happiness and security. Money is a tool we can utilise to bring us physical structure, but it won’t bring us love and fulfilment. Those things come from our wholeness.
Imitating others is an excellent short term solution to learn something new, especially if you really want to learn it. Finding a mentor can be fulfilling.
If you’re using it as a long term strategy for happiness, it will backfire. It will cause all sorts of imposter syndrome issues.
Find the courage and support you need to surrender to what you most want to do in life. In coaching conversations, everyone has it, just below the surface.
It emerges so quickly once they feel safe and heard.
What is yours?
Life is short. Embrace yourself. Love yourself in kindness.