When somebody asks this question, they have usually just said or done something that is not even a little bit funny. And when you expressed your offense or disdain for their grossly misguided attempt at humor, they got super butt-hurt and decided to make it your fault.

Ahhh… blaming the victim. Well played, you immature fuck-stick.

People who have been chronically gaslighted often have a hard time recognizing it when it’s happening. Then they either consciously or subconsciously resent themselves for it. It’s a vicious cycle of self-loathing and victimhood.

Here’s A Tip:

Any time you express your feelings to someone and they invalidate, criticize, minimize, rationalize, blame, shame, or debate with you about it, they are gaslighting you.

This is not to say that they’re doing it on purpose. It’s just that so many people are too wounded and emotionally immature to know the difference between compassion and compulsion.

It’s their own trauma response, and it has nothing to do with you.

What you can say is, “I hear that you were trying to be funny, but I found it more offensive than funny. I don’t need you to agree with my feelings. I just need you to hear me. I don’t appreciate what you did, and I’d prefer if you didn’t do it ever again. Thank you.”

Pro Tip:

After setting a boundary, you drop the fucking mic. It’s not a two-person job. You don’t need their input. At all.

If they want to apologize, you can stick around for that if you want to. But if they start talking out of their childhood wound again, you can hit em with somethin smooth like, “I’ve already said everything that needs to be said. K bye.”

Then you walk away with all of your dignity.