There Are Certain People You Should Never Take A Relationship Advice From
The nature of advice they offer can ruin your relationship
Let's start with this very important submission:
After six relationships, I felt I knew enough what it takes to make a relationship. But that was far from the truth.
No one knows enough to make their relationship work. No matter how many relationships we have had, we still need the contribution of others to make our current relationship work.
The reason is, no two partners are the same. Your ex is totally a different person from your current partner. And it would be disastrous to fit them in the same box. Second, you are too close and involved with your partner to notice things from a distance. For that reason, you will sometimes need fresh eyes on issues from a friend or relative who is watching from a distance.
To see things well, you can't trust your own perspective. Sometimes your views could be distorted and you won't even notice it.
But then, you should never take relationship advice from a friend or relative who doesn't have the best interest of your partner at heart. I have been a victim of a few of those pieces of advice. Looking back, I wish I knew that such advice is a recipe for crisis and disaster in a relationship.
Advice from someone who doesn't have the best interest of your partner at heart considers only the well-being and happiness of just one partner - which is you. It means that your partner will suffer if you follow such advice. And that is not a good experience for the success of your relationship.
I have seen many marriages end in divorce because the husband allowed the biased advice of his mother to rule his marriage. As expected, the wife had a hard time in the marriage. When she couldn't bear it, she took a bow.
Does it mean it is bad to take advice from your mom or a close relative?
Not at all. The point is that relationship advice from your close relatives usually is biased to your advantage and to the disadvantage of your partner. Acting on that advice could actually ruin your relationship. It happened to me. And I have learned my lessons.
Only act on the advice that has your partner as well as you in the picture. If not, discard it.
It is a relationship between two people. You and your partner. For that reason, it would be selfish to consider just your wellbeing and happiness and not those of your partner as well.
You want fulfillment and happiness in your relationship, don't you?
Understand that you can't do it alone. You need the contributions from important persons in your life. You need their advice, perspective on issues, their life lessons, their experiences.
If you want your relationship to succeed, only take advice that doesn't just consider you, but your partner as well. Identify friends who have an unbiased opinion and perspective. Seek advice from them. They are the ones whose advice can really make your relationship work.
There was a time my girlfriend hurt me so badly that I wanted to break up. Three of my friends asked me to back out. But there was one who advised me not to. It wasn't a bad enough issue to break up; he said. "What if it happened in marriage, would you then file for a divorce? Is that how you would handle it?"
He offered me some pieces of advice on how he went about such issues in his relationship. And it worked so well. And my girlfriend and I have been having the best time together since that moment on.
But that doesn’t mean all advice will be healthy for you. Any time you receive a piece of relationship advice, ask yourself these two questions:
- Will this advice benefit me?
- Will it benefit my partner?
Implement the advice if you have two yeses. If not, discard it.
For the health and success of your relationship, take advice from friends who have an unbiased interest in you and your partner — people who have the best interest of both you and your partner at heart.
Cheers to your better relationships!
I am Joshua Idegbere and this is my column. Stories with actionable tips to help you make the most of your life, career and relationships. Welcome!