Dear Fear

But me being human and susceptible to the flaws that come with humanity kept delving deeper into you as if I was too eager to explore the idea of you more, even if it meant losing out on all that and all those I treasured and valued.


Spreeha Dutta

3 years ago | 4 min read

Dear Fear,

I had been eagerly waiting to wake up to a new dawn, my fervent prayers paralleled with the holy prayers and incantations of priests who were better poised to bring that suitable dawn home to me.

Or maybe they had the power to frame their own dawn? Maybe I was the incapable one here, drowning deep into the sea, lost with no way to guide me back to the surface. Fear, you clasped onto my soul like a creeper on its climb up my tree.

“Every time I wanted to soar away from myself, Fear you were there as true as an ally to bring me down to earth. You were the only one who presented my flaws before me in an unforgiving manner, exposing my raw and bare self with all its vulnerabilities before my more glorious counterpart.”

It was soon that I had begun to fear the mere idea of you. I knew that you were keeping me away from crossing over to the other side, the side where I had the opportunity to shine and be a better version of myself without you finally there but I refused to let go of you. Yet again.

You pulled me down and I shrunk without any misgivings into pools of darkness, bound by shackles, nonplussed by an inertia of you. Fear, you were that vice who I was allowing to steer my ship at the cost of tearing apart pieces of me.

But ultimately, it was you again who helped me cross over to the other side that I had always been so keen to reach. The other side where I could be a free spirit and be at one with whatever I was doing without being outweighed by the hesitations of what the outcome of it would be. The other side where my my thoughts and actions would be moulded by love, care and confidence and less by diffidence and unjustified reservations.

“My favourite times were the ones when you teamed up with Courage to moderate my emotions as if the both of you were steered by a common purpose to push me forward. In spite of your varied differences with Courage, you both seemed to put up with each other in just the right amounts and the beauty of your unnaturally soothing bond is what I cherished even on those dark days.”

A mother, though she loves her child deeply with all her heart has to let him leave one day for him to go make his way in this world. Fear you were that mother-like guardian to me always beckoning me to be more than you. I have always marvelled at your alluringly contradictory nature.

There have been those times when you broke me down into irreparable pieces, or such was the intensity with which I perceived it then. But like a pattern recursively getting repeated, those trying times were almost always followed by moments of immense strength. How could it be that those shards of glass that had cut into my very soul before had made me immune to itself now and strengthened me to be so much more!

Fear, I have walked down your path many more times than I would have liked to. Sometimes it was the fear of not being enough, sometimes it was the fear of missing out and sometimes it was the fear of losing those I love dearly.

As my fears went on to play out their roles in my life, you provided me with a vivid imagery of everything that could go wrong right before my eyes long before the situations actually unfolded, almost as if you were a constant reminder asking me to give in.

But me being human and susceptible to the flaws that come with humanity kept delving deeper into you as if I was too eager to explore the idea of you more, even if it meant losing out on all that and all those I treasured and valued.

You had grown into me and it was time that I lost you. “Cannot break the balance of life now”, I thought to myself. You too had similar plans of letting me go. You brought back balance to my life that had been taken away when I was so immersed in you. You held me, made me see what I still cherish about myself in spite of my many shortcomings and you constantly talked me into removing yourself from my life.

“And suddenly one day you were not there anymore and I did not feel your absence too, so immersed was I in the sweet consequences that you left me with.”

With that you also showed me a world beyond yourself. By showing me all that I might not be, you also had me made me contemplate on all that I could be. And you made me realise that you weren’t a part of me but you were just my belonging, a belonging similar to a fancy dress that I adored but could let go if it came down to it.

You showed me that you were too frugal before the grand role that every human is destined to play. Its just that some concede to you while some draw their strength from you. My imagination of you coaxed me into drawing strength from you.

Now when I think of you, I would like to encounter you someday and say a friendly hi again maybe on a lonely, deserted alley or maybe when I am before a large audience too nervous to put out my mind before them. But the difference will be, this time I will remember you by all that I learnt from you.

“I have come to love how you embrace me whenever I am going through a difficult phase in my life. Strange right but do you know why? It is because I have finally learnt not to drown with but to swim with you and keep my boat afloat.”

Yours lovingly,



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Spreeha Dutta

Navigating my way through life's beautiful stories!







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