How To Dine With The Devil And Not Get Hurt
The devil’s not in hell. Some are here with us
Have you ever lived with someone who feels threatened by your success and feels better when you fail? Those are the 'devil' I want to advise you about.
And the aim of this article is for you to learn how to live with them without getting yourself hurt. Most of us will get involved with these people at some point in our life.
They could be just anybody.
They could be friends, relatives, colleagues, or a business partner. They could be siblings. Even though this is however very rare. Aside from Cain and Abel, I am yet to see such a pathologic rivalry between siblings.
But then, you can never say never.
Now, let's say you live with a friend; just like I did. And then you noticed he is emotionally insecure about your success. He starts acting a little strange and uncomfortable each time you share your success with him.
Here is what you must know:
First, it is an immaturity problem.
They simply lack the maturity to celebrate your success. Instead, your success makes them feel small. They feel uncomfortable and threatened each time you share your success with them. They don't intentionally desire that you fail. But then, they can't help feeling bad when your succeeding makes them look like they're failing.
Second, only a few people actually are selfless and satisfied with their lives enough to rejoice with the success of their neighbors. Most people have average success in their lives and relationships despite their hard work and high IQ. For that reason, they are unfulfilled with their lives. In addition, they feel that they deserve more success than anyone else.
Why won't they feel threatened when, with your average IQ, you achieve phenomenal goals and success?
People who are possessive of external validation have this weakness of feeling bad when their neighbor or colleague succeeds. The only situation they feel better is when they see themselves above everyone else.
I once lived with someone like that.
The only time he feels better is when his score is above mine. He is happiest when I fail a test and he passes it. This was the same with most other things. He even felt bad and incessantly finds faults with my girlfriend all because she was more beautiful than his.
But we lived together for 3 years without having a major misunderstanding.
But the truth is, if you don't learn how to live with these kinds of people, some of them can actually hurt you.
I have seen friends who, out of jealousy and greed, liaised with some notorious criminals to kidnap their own friends. They demanded the exact amount the victim had in his bank account.
The victim who just returned from the United States to see his mother in Nigeria was very unlucky to disclose his worth to his supposedly good friend, who felt so insecure and jealous. And then set this guy up till he spent his last penny.
So be careful. It is not a safe world.
That is why I feel bad when I see some writers share their monthly earnings on social media for whatever purpose! You don't know the consequence of what you're doing. If you knew, you would be more secretive about your finances more than you are about your love life.
There are some levels of success you should only share with people who have 5 to 10x that result in their lives. If you can't find them, keep the excitement to yourself. You must not broadcast everything about you. Some things about you should be known to you alone. It is maturity.
If you happen to get involved with someone who is insecure about your success. There is one way to live at peace with them:
A friend gave me this advice several years ago:
“Josh, be careful not to share your success- especially your financial success- with people, especially at the same level with you but who are less successful than you. You don’t need to lie about it; just be silent about it. That’s all. The good part is that most of them won’t even bother to ask you.”
I pass it to you:
Keep your success away from insecure colleagues and contemporaries who are less successful than you. Be they your siblings, relative, best friend, or colleague. Always be quiet about your success around these kinds of people. They feel better to know that you are all at the same level and that there is nothing you have above them.
Even if some can be dangerous out of jealousy, you may lead a very peaceful life with them if you keep your success away from them and talk more about your failure and even seek their advice along with it. Even if you want to share your success, only share the success they helped in one way or the other to help you achieve. Credit them for it.
Nothing makes them feel much better than this.
If you are a student like me who got involved with an insecure friend, just keep your trumpet down around them since you would not live with them for life.
Learn to keep the sleeping dog asleep. Sometimes, it is for your safety.
That is how to dine with the devil and not get hurt.
I am Joshua Idegbere and this is my column. Stories with actionable tips to help you make the most of your life, career and relationships. Welcome!