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An Efficient Way To A Better Life

It is possible to become a self-help addict. That’s a way to a better life.


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Peter Middleton

4 months ago | 3 min read
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Stop looking outside for answers.

This platform is full of self-help, improvement, advice, how-to’s etc.

The lists go on and on and on. People get stuck inside that never-ending cycle. Bloggers become experts and become an authority. Everyone else seeks to become them or listens to them in idolisation.

Hierarchies can be healthy, and role models are a thing. It depends if you’re giving your power of agency away to others or if you’re taking advice and guidance so that you can grow.

It is possible to become a self-help addict.

That’s a way to a better life. You become so exasperated by things not working that you go through the gateway of your misery and find your way to your heart and soul; your bliss, as Joseph Campbell puts it.

There’s a much quicker way, which doesn’t involve pain or attachment wounds.

Looking within.

  • Reframe the self-improvement journey to unfolding yourself in the world.

“Who Am I Becoming?”

  • Reframe the sense of needing to find something outside of yourself to make you happy, special, validated, accepted.

“Who am I, and what do I resonate with?”

  • Reframe the need to change yourself.

“I am beautiful in my humanness, which includes my darkness.”

  • Reframe your sense of being broken

“I am curious as to why I behave the way I behave, what conditions made that so and how I can respond in a more wholesome way next time those conditions are present.”

Be a true scientist, not just a rational one.

Not every solution comes from the prefrontal cortex. We are vast and complex beings. We have emotional and rhythmic processes. We absorb our parents behaviour pre-verbally, we move with the seasons, our energy changes as we feel different states of being.

Western society struggles so much with trauma because trauma flips the brain into a state where the rational mind goes off-line or dims due to a diverting of the blood flow to survival parts of the brain.

The limbic and emotional brains drive the ship, so to speak. That brings us trouble if we do not know those states of being. It can be shocking, dangerous, scary.

The rational mind is not available at this time. To get through trauma, we must go through the shadows, understand and integrate the states of being that make us feel unsafe, do this in a safe container in therapeutic environments, and integrate them so we can fully embody ourselves.

The rational mind becomes a beautiful translator of our life experience.

True happiness is aligning to a long term arc.

When we say happiness, we often mean belonging, fulfilment, contentment and a sense of meaning and purpose.

This is why the energy never quite works on our search for happiness.

“What is happiness anyway?”

It’s a good point. Happiness is fleeting.

That’s why so many pieces of music explore the beauty akin to the cherry blossom, a sense of beauty and happiness with the knowledge that it never lasts. It will be gone soon.

If we search for happiness, we become happiness addicts, dopamine craving, FOMO obsessed zombies.

I’m not sorry for the direct honesty; I am an aquarian.

The search for meaning is integral to the human experience. Thousands of years have passed, and every single human culture has cultivated and directed energy into their understanding of the world and their place in it.

Western society places humans as the most important “thing” in that world. A self-deterministic, individualist scope. Do what you want, everyone else can deal with it.

The challenge here is that for society to civilise, it requires the individual to sacrifice for a greater good.

You’ll be hard-pressed to find a peaceful culture in human history that did not put human beings in the role of “part of a greater whole” or “cultivators; weaving the web of humanity within nature”.

Obsessions with greatness always lead to tyrant behaviour. Tyrant behaviour is when you do not have access to another perspective outside of your own, whether that be within a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ judgement.

Yes. Tyrants can be fighting for their own belief in what’s good. Everyone is a believer. Hitler believed in what he did, otherwise he would not have done it.

How do we cultivate meaning?

Here are some simple focuses to start cultivating:

  • Enlighten yourself to your journey
  • Slow down, listen, be kind to yourself
  • Chop wood, carry water — enjoy life’s simple tasks and stay humble
  • Be in service
  • Integrate your pain and emotional states of being, do it in a safe therapeutic setting
  • Contemplate often, in different lenses — ego, ethno, eco and cosmic-centric
  • Know your values, purpose and soul’s journey and align to that wherever possible, within the balance of each environment
  • Trust in your body and your feelings

These are not easy. Most of society will tell you these are foolish endeavours. However, they do lead to greater fulfilment. They do lead to a greater sense of self and trust in who you are as a person — a sense of empowerment.

This list is very loving, start with this for yourself.

More articles to come on these aspects.

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Peter Middleton

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Peter is a creative coach working to unblock people's authentic creative essence and expression. Using transformational life coaching, meditation and embodiment techniques. He is passionate about mental health, trauma informed practice, spirituality and how to create sustainable cultures that empower in equity.


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