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Fearing Change

Most humans are afraid of change. Many don't think deep enough to realize that the good, positive and healthy part of us must remain unchanged. But the lousy factor that hinders and harms us cannot stay the same if we want a better life - a better marriage and relationship.


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Annelise Lords

4 months ago | 3 min read
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Inspired by: Women, Why Are You Trying to Change Us? By Justin Stinnett

Women need to allow men to grow and adapt without feeling forced. Is it possible for two people to come together in a relationship and naturally grow towards each other without having to change who they are? What’s not helpful is trying to change a person into something they are not. Is it possible for a woman to let a man be a man? Let’s analyze this topic!

“Michael!” Jenny called out as she jogged around the park in her community. Slowing down, she stopped and strolled towards the concrete bench he sat on.

“Michael,” she repeats as she gets closer. He had earplugs in his ear while listening to music on his phone.

Looking up as she approached, he removed the earplugs, smiling at her.

“Your wife is looking for you,” she said. “She has been calling everyone.”

He sighed heavily, then released, “I can’t do it. You are her best friend. Why is she trying to change me?”

With raised brows, Jenny asked, “Going to couples therapy is going to modify you?”

“I don’t want to be transformed into someone else,” he complains. “I like myself the way I am.”

Sitting beside him on the concrete bench, Jenny probed, “You love yourself the way you are?”

“Yes,” he pushed out quickly. “Being me works out well for me.”

She eyed him with a side-way glance, then interrogated, “What happened between you and your boss last week? Did it work out well for you? That bad habit almost cost you your job.”

Grabbing a deep breath as the memories put a heavy burden on his heart, he let out, “No.”

“What about the incident with your brother and his wife? Another bad decision that almost cost you your life.”

“That didn’t work in my favor either,” he said with a heavier heart.

“The deal you made with Andrew, did he pay you back yet?”

“Does my wife tells you everything that happens between us?” he belted out in frustration.

Giving him eye contact, Jenny said, “yes.”

He stared at her with furled brows, his mouth agape in shock.

Grinning after reading his facial expression and the emotion that follows, “No, she doesn’t,” Jenny tries to ease his pain. “But I know something is wrong when she isn’t smiling or talking about you and how you made her laugh. So when she is that way, I dig for information. Then I heal and counsel.”

“I am sorry, but I just think she is trying to alter me. I am not a pair of pants she takes to the tailor to fix,” he rants.

“What are you afraid of? Change is a natural part of life. Everything around us changes. Your body change. Your mind and thinking too. Seasons, plants, and animals all experience change. “

“Me,” he stressed, his hand on his chest. “Works out well for me.”

“Really?”

“Ok, most of the time.”

“Michael, your wife isn’t trying to change you. As humans, we all have habits. Our bad habits hinder, while good practice helps. She wants you to see the harm and damage in your wrong behavior and do the right thing to stop the bad habits that hinder you and are causing problems in your marriage.”

He stared at her in deep thought, then said, “Damn.”

Jenny went on. “When many humans face instances that demand change, they think that they must reconstruct everything about them. Then they become afraid.”

“You mean I don’t have to change me?”

“No. Only the attitude, habits, or behaviors that wreak havoc within your marriage and life that you keep repeating despite the harmful consequences. The good ones you and your wife will help to nurture and grow.”

“I like that,” he said very attentively. “If that’s all I have to do, I will do it to save my marriage.”

Most humans are afraid of change. Many don’t think deep enough to realize that the good, positive and healthy part of us must remain unchanged. But the lousy factor that hinders and harms us cannot stay the same if we want a better life — a better marriage and relationship.

When someone suggests you change if it’s your mother, wife, family member, girlfriend, best friend, enemy, doctor, etc. Even if it’s a stranger who witnesses your outburst or meltdown, go deep inside you and find the actions, choices, decisions, lifestyle, habits, attitudes, or whatever is causing harm to you, your relationship, friendship, job, etc.

When you find it, learn from it, then fix it.

The best part of us must stay, but the worst can’t.

Thank you for reading this piece. I hope you enjoy it.

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Annelise Lords

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Creative Writer

I write inspirational, thought-provoking, common sense short stories, poems, and quotes. I am also a nature lover, amateur photographer, a deep thinker, and a creative fiction writer who never turns off learning mode.


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