Fuck That Ship
When relationships turn bad.
Vance Larson CHt
I get shit wrong all the time. But what I don't get wrong, is sacred connections. Why? You know sacred connections by the way they feel. By the way they live. By the way they communicate. You cannot have a sacred connection who is living a destructive life. Sure, you did the right thing. You tried talking to them. You tried modeling healthy behavior. You tried prayer. Yet, here you are feeling like to have to save them. Even worse, you're losing your sparkle. Let me give you a piece of advice. FUCK THAT SHIP...
You're not the captain of anyone. You do not have to go down with the ship. Be it a life long friend, family member or spouse, fuck that ship. My love language is "let's work on it". But what happens when you are doing all the work? I'm not talking for a few weeks. I am talking about an extended period of time. You feel dejected, spiritually bankrupt. For what? We cannot make people receive, beyond the level in which they are capable of. I saw a meme on FaceBook the other day. It said, "You cannot love the red flags out of someone". Boom!
You know who go it right? The addiction community. Al-anon the support group for the family of alcoholics is very clear on boundaries. If someone is drowning, you throw them a life preserver. But what happens when they throw it back? At what point do you realize that some people don't want to be saved. And I'm not talking about a relapse in behavior. I am talking about the drowning person giving no effort at all.
There have been times in my life when I have had to EP a person. If you're not familiar with the term, Google it. But basically it allows for an emergency mental health evaluation. That is the worse case scenario. But for the purposes of this article. I am talking about behavior that is mean spirited, belittling and violent. Hear this. WHAT YOU ALLOW, IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE. How many domestic violence survivors have said it only happened once? How many wish they would have run when those red flags started to present? Or that first black eye...
Let me be clear on one point. You may feel indebted, but you do have a responsibility to yourself first. So when those choppy waters come, and you have the option to get off that sinking ship...get off. A debt should not be paid in blood. Nor should it be paid at the risk of losing yourself. So if you pick one mantra today, may it be FUCK THAT SHIP...
Vance Larson CHt
I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years, now working as a Life Coach, case manager and consultant. My coaching services primarily focus on personal development, self worth and relationships. I'm also an author and write for several weekly columns.