‘’There aren’t many single guys at this church, are there?’’was the comment that a recent acquaintance made one Sunday at a new church I was attending.Of course, my first response was, is there ever?

For most women, it is a well-known fact that the percentage of single females in most churches is significantly higher than males. This is increasingly evident as you reach your late 20s/ early30s.

What she said next shocked me.‘I’m just waiting for the next round of divorces to find my husband.’

This lady (let’s call her *Fran) concluded that it was easier for a woman in her early 30s to marry someone who had gotten divorced because clearly, every other eligible man was taken.

After a comment like that, it’s hard to know how to carry the conversation.While the shock value is there and makes a great story headline,it reveals a more significant issue than simply a lack of eligible Christian men.Before I continue, I want to write a disclaimer: I am in no way passing judgment on Fran or on anyone who has gotten divorced. Life happens, and we all make different choices.

Alright, with that out of the way.

I have been reflecting on this conversation. It is possible that I would have agreed with her sentiments five or so years ago because, yes, the percentage of single men compared to women within the church is significantly lower. For women not in their early to mid-20s the choice of eligible men lessens considerably.

However… They do exist!

What saddens me the most about Fran’s comments is that deep down, she doesn’t believe she is worthy of being loved.She thinks it isn’t possible for a man would choose her out of the 50 other single women that might attend the same church.

I am not saying that someone divorced is second best, but when a divorce occurs, there is a lot of hurt and baggage that people have to carry and walk through.

This takes time, and some people never fully move on.

Why, as a single woman, would you want to sign up for that willingly? Yes, God brings together two people with broken pasts, but it takes a lot of work to be in a place where any relationship can be healthy and thrive.The point I’m trying to make is, please don’t settle. Please don’t think that you are only worth someone’s off-cuts.

Being married is a God-given desire, and it’s a good thing, but it doesn’t make you whole. Only God can do that.

That might sound clichéd and shallow to those who have a deep longing to get married. However, I’m still waiting for my Mr. Handsome and have spent most of my 20s alone.

While there are advantages to being single, I am thankful for the journey God has taken me on. Unfortunately, the last decade has also been some of the hardest and loneliest.

I would much rather be single for the rest of my life than marry someone who is not the person God has for me.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that carries significant and deep hurt if you break the covenant.

So, in reflection, this is what I wish I had said to Fran and what I want to say to anyone else in a similar situation.

‘God is not going to give you something already broken.You are worth so much more than that.

You are worthy of being absolutely adored by the love of your life. Wait on God because I promise you it will be worth it.’

*Name changed

** Photo by joyce huis on Unsplash

Melissa is passionate about building authentic and supportive communities to empower people to live physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy lives.

You can email her at mjmorriswriting@gmail.com or find her on Twitter and Instagram