Self-blame is awful.

You keep on analyzing and playing out scenarios in your mind about how you should have done things differently. “Why I didn’t do that?” “Why I didn’t think of this?” “Why I didn’t consult with him/her?”

It drains the energy and distracts the focus. Eventually, if you get to the analysis-paralysis moment, you might just stop doing anything. “I just don’t know how.” “I always make mistakes.”

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard is from the pastor Steven Furtick:

“Don’t judge yesterday’s decision with today’s wisdom. It will paralyze you.” — Steven Furtick

Aim For Improvement Instead Of Perfection

A lot of us are such perfectionists. It’s like we only accept successful outcomes and the right decisions.

Perfectionism comes from the notion that we need to arrive at certain decisions (specific goal), and there is only a certain way to get there. To get there, we must be good enough.

We pressure ourselves, fearing that we won’t get there if we make a mistake along the way. We become so focused on our shortcomings, inadequacies, and lacks that we miss out on praising ourselves for the improvement we have made.

In reality, everything is in constant change. We are gaining new knowledge and wisdom every day. We better be. If we have a growth mindset, we become smarter, wiser, and more experienced every day instead of a fixed mindset.

Therefore, the way we see things is also constantly shifting. What seemed to be the right decision yesterday might not feel as right anymore today because we are evaluating from a broader and wiser perspective.

As for me, I hate time-wasting mistakes. One of those was entering Translation studies a few years ago. I only spent there 1,5 years, did not finish, and realized that it was not exactly what I’d like to do full-time. And most importantly, I realized it was not a place where I can fulfill my full potential and use all my gifts.

Right now, I study Psychology, and if I had started to study Psychology back then, I would have finished it by now already.

However, I understand that the decision I made back then to enter Translation studies was what seemed to be the best decision at the moment. Made out of best knowledge and true conscience.

It has been part of the road of self-improvement and becoming aware of my gifts and what I enjoy the most. And most of all, daring to pursue a “do a business out of what you love” idea.

“No single correct decision or pathway exists in the process of becoming.” — Mel Schwartz

There is an interesting quantum physics perspective that teaches us to shift our thinking from a fixed state of being to a process of becoming.

Quantum mechanics describes that the universe operates from a flow of unbroken wholeness. Static thingness and separability of the classical physics worldview are replaced by a flow and participation. We are an inseparable part of the whole; therefore, we participate in the whole.

Let’s not measure ourselves with whether we arrive at a certain destination, but rather let’s appreciate the process of becoming. Let’s acknowledge our growth compared to a year before, a month before, and a day before.

Where Is Your Focus?

Where is your focus? Is it on what you did right or what you did wrong?

With no amount of regret and self-blame, we could change yesterday and the decisions we have made.

Yet, we know that when we catch ourselves doing things right and praise ourselves, it will increase our confidence.

Our confidence comes from what we focus on. If we always think about our mistakes, shortcomings, and inadequacies, we will feel like failures. We basically convince ourselves with our inner monologue that we are inadequate.

Once we learn to notice what we did right and praise ourselves, we start building a positive self-image, resulting in more confidence. When we see ourselves as capable and improving, we will feel confident. That will also result in doing more things right because we do them out of a confident self-image rather than feeling inadequate.

Watch Your Language

This is one of the most common ways how we fall into the sin of self-criticism.

Many people are quick to explain what they have done wrong and what they should have done differently when having conversations. It’s almost as we feel an obligation to excuse ourselves in front of others about why we are not yet where we think we should be.

Start by noticing your conversations, how do you talk about yourself and your actions. Abstain from explaining to others everything you have done incorrectly and should have done differently.

Then shift your focus to what you have learned and understood through the process.

Tell others what you did right, even if those are little things, and share what you have learned.

Takeaway

We are often quick to judge ourselves for mistakes, shortcomings, and failures. No wonder it steals from us our confidence. By blaming and judging ourselves (either in our inner monologues or in conversations with others), we willingly steal from ourselves the opportunity to feel proud and confident.

We need to realize that whenever we made a decision, we made it with the best knowledge and best intentions we had. It’s completely normal to gain a different experience and knowledge afterward that totally shifts the perspective and, therefore, the decision.

To gain confidence and keep confidence, we must learn to let go of what we consider to be mistakes and failures. And focus our attention on what we have done right and what we can learn from mistakes and failures. Abstaining from putting ourselves down and start praising ourselves like a little child for every small step and little victory we have made.

Let's love ourselves by praising ourselves for what we do right and how much we have improved!

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