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Love is a game played with at least 6 people!

A human is born, and comes into the world open and incomplete. That’s why I say there was incompleteness in the beginning.


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Ugur Yigit Karatas

a year ago | 3 min read

A human is born, and comes into the world open and incomplete. That’s why I say there was incompleteness in the beginning. Then he encounters the first other (the mother). This other is at first a breast, which is why, according to Klein, there was a breast in the beginning. According to some object theorists, at first, the baby cannot distinguish itself from the mother’s breast. After this strange encounter, the baby begins to organize itself in the eyes of the other according to its behavior, forming a structure, which we call “ego”. As we can see, there is no self without an “other”. However, the baby realizes that the other does not belong to him/her, he/she goes to someone else (the second other — the father, or he/she goes to work, does something else at home, etc.). The baby realizes a great deficiency, that the other he thinks is his is not his own. But he had constructed the ego according to his position from his point of view. What will he do now?At this point, the masculine position pretends to ignore this lack, does not accept it, and fantasizes about completeness. The feminine position is aware of this, this lack. Therefore, in the masculine position, inadequacy is predominant in the distortion of cognitive schemas, and completeness is the phallus, but it does not exist. Because we can never be complete, adequate, or complete because there is already a reality that cannot be symbolized as death.The attachment between the mother (I mean the caregiver, some children grow up without a mother, but they can also bond) and the baby is the evolutionary origin of romantic attachment. The neurobiological and endocrine factors related to this are also parallel (of course, there are some differences between the two types of attachment.) Let’s go back to our baby who recognizes the second other. Since this baby establishes a self in the eyes of the other, it strives to complete itself in the eyes of the other, in other words, as Lacan puts it, desire is the desire of the other (someone else). In love we try to place in the other what we don’t have, we place in the other what we lack. For example, an ego who has the fantasy of the tough guy-ruffle man cannot know this without the other, the fiction is already in the eyes of the other, and he desires the idealization of the tough guy-ruffle man that he is in love with, that is, he desires the desire of the other (if there is one). So her demand targets the other. Based on this, we can say the six (at least six) players of love are as follows: Ego-The Other-The Other’s Desire (1) and Ego-The Other-The Other’s Desire (2). But what if the desire of another other is also involved? The game gets complicated…

Since the article is mostly based on psychoanalytic theory, you can take a look at the following sources on psychoanalysis (apart from Freud’s books):-Why Psychoanalysis (Alenka Zupancic)- Castration Complex (Andre Green)-The Unconscious and Man (Jean-Paul Charrier)-The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant (Margaret Mahler)-Playin and Reality (Winnicott)-The Self and Defense Mechanisms (Anna Freud)-Normality and Pathology in Childhood (Anna Freud)Anti-Oedipus Capitalism and Schizophrenia 1 — Gilles Deleuze & Felix Guattari-Unforbidden Pleasures — Adam Phillips-What is Sexuality? — Alenka Zupancic-Second Thoughts: Selected Papers on Psycho-Analysis — W.R.Bion-Die schrecklichen Kinder der — Peter Sloterdijk (This is not a psychology book, but the Freudian critique of the Oedipus myth is remarkable)-Enjoying What We Don’t Have, The Political Project of Psychoanalysis — Todd McGowan-An Introduction to Lacanian Psychoanalysis by Bruce Fink (A good introductory book)-Dreams and Myths (Karl Abraham)-Psychoanalytic Diagnosis — Nancy McWilliams-Envy and Gratitude -Melanie Klein-The Capitalist Unconscious — Samo Tomsic (Marx and Lacan)

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Ugur Yigit Karatas

Behavioral Scientist \ Ideate Changing the World / A life paradigm based on scientific thinking


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