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The One Solution For Most Of Your Relationship Problems

Relying on someone will only make things harder if one day they are gone. Or walk away from your life.


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Joshua Idegbere

4 months ago | 5 min read
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Every single guy and lady should read this!

You have to be happy on your own before you can be truly happy in a relationship| PEXEL

When I found this truth, I had peace in my relationship life. And I wished I knew it earlier. And today I want you to have the same in your relationship life.

But before then, let’s identify five common relationship problems or difficulties most of us face:

  • Your partner takes you for granted by default because they know you're so obsessed with them to walk out of the relationship;
  • You found out that someone you thought was madly in love with you was only manipulating you, but you don't have the courage to withdraw your love and affection for them;
  • Your partner takes advantage of the fact that you love them and that you can’t do without them to abuse you sexually, emotionally, and finally exploit you.
  • Your partner threatens you with a breakup to have you compromise on your life principles and to make some huge sacrifices for them.
  • Finally, they leave you and you feel your world is broken into a thousand pieces never to be better again.

The people who are the victims in these relationship scenarios have a big problem. The problem is not with their abusive partner but with themselves. And the problem is this:

They believe, feel and act with the mindset that they are incomplete on their own and so NEED someone to complete them. That they need someone to make them happy; to make them feel fulfilled; someone to make them accomplish their purpose in life; that they need someone to come into their lives to find wholeness.

It is sad but true that this is the mindset of many of us when we enter a relationship with a prospective partner. It is not surprising that you hear of cases where some ladies take their life because their boyfriends break up with them.

The One Solution

Here is the one solution that solved most of my relationship problems and will solve yours if you can come to terms with the reality of this life fact:

That you don't need someone to make you feel complete. That you can truly be fine on your own, accomplishing your goals and going after your dreams, living your best life and finding happiness all by yourself.

In fact, you have to be happy on your own before you can be truly happy in a relationship. Because true happiness is the one you find within yourself.

I love the way Folawiyo Tamarapreye Grace renders it:

“True happiness is enjoying your own company and living in peace and harmony with your body, mind, and soul. To be truly happy, you don’t need other people or material things.”

Because, in the end, happiness is the consequence of personal effort and living a life of purpose.

The reason most people have problems in their relationships is that they get into relationships or marriages because they seek happiness from their partners.

When those relationships go south, all their happiness goes with it and they feel devastated and miserable.

To prevent those negative outcomes, most of us have no choice but to stay in abusive and unhealthy relationships.

We keep up with our partner's disrespect and other demeaning behavior and attitudes for the fear of them leaving our lives when we react to those behaviors.

Relying on someone will only make things harder if one day they are gone. Or walk away from your life.

Your Ticket Out Of Relationship Bondage To Freedom

If you’re sick and weary of living at the mercy of an abusive partner, this is your time!

It is time to get out of that bondage called relationship and enjoy the freedom that is available to you!

How?

Find happiness for yourself.

Stop chasing happiness outside of you. Feeling happy is something that comes from inside, and can be found by looking inward, rather than waiting for an external action to trigger it.

Reframe how you approach happiness, and instead of making it a long-awaited goal, consider what makes you happy regularly. That may be time with family, friends, or a loved one, or doing a certain activity, such as painting, cycling, or cooking.

Give yourself permission to schedule these moments of happiness into your life on a regular basis.

Add value to your life.

The world has high regard for value.

Nobody gives attention to things that are of little or no value.

Learn some useful and in-demand career and life skills. Hone and improve those skills to serve people and become a positive contributor to the lives of people.

Earn your own money. So nobody can treat you as a liability but treasure and respect you as an asset in their lives.

For the single lady, while you're looking forward to getting married, engage yourself with things that will make you a good wife when it finally happens.

You can learn skills that will earn you an income if you've not found a job yet. Learn how to cook if you have not.

You may say “No need, I’ll simply get a maid or a cook’’ Of course the maid can do the cooking but the fact is, your future husband would love to eat meals prepared by his wife.

For the single man, prepare and equip yourself to be a good husband. Don't go into anything blindly, especially if you have the opportunity of learning a thing or two about it beforehand. It gives you an edge over everyone else. Learn and apply ways to earn and manage money.

To everyone in general, especially young people,

  • Learn to develop your skills by utilizing every available training.

Expand your knowledge by reading books, articles, and anything related to your talent or the skill you want to work on.

There is a lot of information available on any subject you can think of, therefore, avail yourself of the opportunity.

Be current about the latest trends and advancements.

  • Explore your creative side.

There is a fountain of creativity within most of us that has never been tapped or ever been used to its highest potential.

Try writing that book, try learning to play that musical instrument, try making that jewelry, try painting, etc. When you do this, you may just discover a talent that has been hidden in you all these years.

  • Nurture your mind.

Gain more knowledge. Grow your mental ability. Read, read, read. Don’t just watch TV and movies.

Virtually all highly successful people do some form of daily educational reading. Regardless of what they read, they make sure it contains useful and meaningful information from which they can benefit in the long run.

Statistics show that the average person reads less than 1 book per year. If you could read 1 book per week, that would mean about 52 books per year. Now imagine what an advantage that will give you over everyone else.

  • Always be open to learning.

There is an old saying which goes thus 'the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know' Only foolish people say they know everything.

Have an open mind and learn. Never be afraid to ask for help from those who are ahead of you on your path.

I dare you to come to terms with that simple realization. Then focus on developing yourself into someone of value before entering or even while you're in a relationship.

You'll be free from the harassment and emotional trauma a lot of people suffer in their relationships.

To your better relationship life,

Cheers!

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Joshua Idegbere

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I am Joshua Idegbere and this is my column. Stories with actionable tips to help you make the most of your life, career and relationships. Welcome!


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