You didn’t fail because you suck or something. You failed because many things need to be right before you hit the success bar. And most of those things are not within your control.

So why put all the blame on yourself? Why making it seem it happened because you are black, because you are not as smart or because you don’t have a higher IQ?

The destination you are heading with that self-blame marathon is not going to improve the situation, neither is it going to help you. That is the truth.

There is a wise saying in my dialect that says,

“Even if a monkey is not fine, yet the mother likes him.”

Since so many things are already condemning you for failing, why join the choir to sing the same song of condemnation? Or you think it is going to motivate you to succeed? Wrong. It won’t.

It is bad enough that you could not succeed. All you need now is finding an analgesic to inhibit the pain pathway so that the memory does not prevent you from giving success another try.

3 Ways to encourage yourself to try again after a failure

1. Become your own biggest fan.

Even when you fail, try to pat yourself at the back. At least you tried. Trying at all is a good enough reason to pat yourself on the back. And most times, failures become the heap we have to stand on to reach success.

On WordPress, I try as much as possible to like my post first before anyone else. It is so unfortunate Medium doesn’t allow writers to clap for their stories.

Encourage yourself for trying. You have to learn to do this even when you didn’t hit success with your effort.

2. Acknowledge the many other things that also played a part.

If you think you are the only one responsible for your failure, you will blame yourself to the point of giving up ever trying. Except that is what you want. Then you can keep up with the blame marathon.

But if you want to keep your drive alive, you have to tell yourself the truth that many other factors beyond your control also played a part. It makes you less critical about yourself and confident enough to give success another daring try.

3. Reward yourself for trying.

Creativity feeds on inspiration. It is wise that you don’t allow your mind to lack it.

Be that source of inspiration to yourself. Reward yourself for trying. Cultivate that habit. Do it with something that gives you joy.

Since Medium doesn’t allow me to clap for my article, I reward my effort by watching a complete movie for every story I publish. Yours can be anything. But just make sure you reward yourself for trying.

Final thought

You are all you have. And the best you can receive is your support. Learn to always give it. Whether you fail or succeed. Give it.

By learning to reward yourself for trying, you open your mind to dare and try things that can lead to your outstanding success.

So keep trying and keep rewarding those daring efforts. And one day, you, too, will win.

This article was originally published by Joshua Idegbere on medium.