A PTSD survivor's tale
Hey folks, I hope you all are sailing through just fine.I am juggling a little between life in general and my PTSD and its endless triggers.The trauma is such that it makes my trigger very intense and can make me numb where I almost feel like giving up. Today I am gonna talk about the triggers I have been through lately, might make you a teary a little bit but dont worry your blogger is fine to sail through like always.
My triggers have been very intense and weird at the same time.My triggers are like the game Jenga, it tried to slowly build up and within seconds it shows its real colour with one small touch.Like Jenga shatters so does my heart bit by bit. It feels like it is falling apart and I am unable to get a hold of them and eventually arrange them into bits and pieces. But PTSD makes sure it doesn’t happen. I will be living my content life and out of nowhere, the trauma triggers make me physically weak and unable to even think of a strategy to overcome it. My medication helps me to fight it, hate them big time but that’s the case. Won’t be able to function if I dont talk to my therapists both psychologist and psychiatrist.It’s a roller coaster ride with them where they are in hold of my ride I am just sailing through because I have zero clue of how to fight this god damn demon.
I try, I try to understand it, analyse it and work on it. But it comes in such a different manner all the time that I am unable to map it as to where to begin and end. One day I was content and kinda enjoying my night and suddenly out of nowhere this PTSD triggers and makes sure I dont enjoy the rest of my night. Another case was such, that I was sitting, working and out of the blue, I almost fainted. My heart beat rose and all I could do was just try to breathe and contemplate the fact that what the F just happened. PTSD is crazy, and this is one tough battle am kind of playing well but fail to understand how to knock this goddamn demon down. Still learning, fighting and living through. This blog was due for so long because I was in the dilemma of never-ending triggers it has caused me in a month and making sure I give up. But little did the PTSD knows who is fighting. I will overcome this fear one day. Slowly maybe but I will.
PTSD is a whole-body tragedy, an integral human event of enormous proportions with massive repercussions. After a traumatic experience, the human system of self-preservation seems to go onto permanent alert, as if the danger might return at any moment. The triggers are like little psychic explosions that crash through avoidance and bring the dissociated, avoided trauma suddenly, unexpectedly, back into consciousness. As one has rightly said It is not the bruises on the body that hurt.It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind. All I know is P.T.S.D. doesn’t make you weak. It makes you a survivor. Living through this and trying to sail through one day at a time.Hope is the fuel that I am currently looking too after all if there’s no hope of things ever being better then why live? Why does anything? I cannot stand the words “Get over it”. All of us are under such pressure to put our problems in the past tense. Slow down. Don’t allow others to hurry your healing. It is a process, one that may take years, occasionally, even a lifetime and that’s OK.
Ending this blog with a quote -
We are all damaged. We have all been hurt. We have all had to learn painful lessons. We are all recovering from some mistake, loss, betrayal, abuse, injustice or misfortune. All of life is a process of recovery that never ends. We each must find ways to accept and move through the pain and pick ourselves back up. For each pang of grief, depression, doubt or despair there is an inverse toward renewal coming to you in time. Each tragedy is an announcement that some good will indeed come in time. Be patient with yourself.
~ Bryant McGill
Sending you lots of hope, love, strength and peace your way. See you next time.
A survivor who is on a mission to end the stigma against mental health!