What to do When You are Being Tolerated Rather than Valued

Being always at the mercy of others is not a good thing. The feeling is one of the worst there is. B


Joshua Idegbere

3 years ago | 2 min read

People naturally stay away from those who can cause harm to them. For example, someone you suspect to be a serial killer, assassin, or kidnapper.

Unknown to most of us, there’s also a second category of persons that people don’t want to be around — those who perpetually depend on others. In other words, people who can’t stand on their own.

Nobody is ever truly comfortable with a needy person. The rich are repelled by a needy man as much as the poor are. Because deep within, in a relationship, everyone needs someone who can add some value to his life. So, the friend or partner that can’t meet up risks being avoided or tolerated by others.

To be known for being needy and desperate is not the kind of reputation you will want to have. And according to Kent Nerburn,

…” that’s someone most people want to avoid, not someone they want to help,” because “ all they see is an angry, desperate man” whose only desire is to get what others have labored for.

Success is the cure to living a life of pity

The reality is that, when you become someone that has something to offer, people will feel privileged and comfortable to have you around them. And the answer to living that kind of life is finding something profitable to do.

“If the burden of smothering poverty comes over you,”, said Newburn,” don’t look for money. Look for work.”

Rather than keep being tolerated, go out and look for what to do. Go out and look for work. You can tell your friends to help you with the search. And before long, you will get one. Congratulations! But don’t stop there:

As you begin working and start getting paid, also improve yourself:

  1. Read personal development books: Finance, investing, healthy living, history, politics, etc.

2. Listen to self-help audios and videos.

3. Attend life and business seminars and workshops.

4. Hone a skill. And most importantly, never miss an opportunity to be educated.

“ … educate yourself by observing the real world, learning what it is and learning how the real people in it act and react.” — The Mafia Manager

Soon enough, you will win the war for survival and improve the quality of your life through personal development. Gradually you are becoming someone that has something to offer.

As you become successful, people will count it a privilege to have you around. Now, you have become someone who has something to offer to the rich, the poor, and those in between.

Final thought

Success is the cure to living a life of pity and being tolerated by others. Try as much as you can to become successful in whatever your hands find to do. All you need is the discipline to improve on yourself. And be patient with the process.

This article was originally published by Joshua Idegbere on medium.


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Joshua Idegbere

I am Joshua Idegbere and this is my column. Stories with actionable tips to help you make the most of your life, career and relationships. Welcome!







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