I’m fighting a battle I can’t win.

I will have to get lucky to ever succeed the way I live.

Maybe Dad was right, this lifestyle isn’t sustainable. Maybe he was right, I am just ‘bumming around the world’ to avoid the inevitable. There’s no such thing as work that is enjoyable day-after-day. That’s why it’s called work. Dad was right.

Now, because you didn’t listen to him, you’ve fallen behind your peers.

Look at your best friend from childhood, Adam. You’re the same age as him. He has a brand new car. A job that pays him $70 grand a year out of college. Money invested in his future and in the stock market. A stable community around him and he’s able to afford a decent apartment.

Where are you? You’re stuck in Asia, living in a third-world country because it’s the only place you can afford to live. You have a backpack full of clothes as the only thing to your name. You’ve got no car, no savings, no investments, and you’re one unpredictable hardship away from being in debt, again.

You don’t even work forty hours a week. This dream of becoming a freelancer and having the freedom to do what you want with your life has run its course.

You know you have to give it up soon, right?

You can’t ask to move back into your parents’ place. It caused so much friction last time.

What’s your backup plan? Do you even have a backup plan?

Is there a cheaper country for you to move to when things go south again? How long is that a realistic strategy? How long before you’re on the street, stranded across the world without enough money for a plane ticket home?

Will your parents even support you if you find yourself in financial trouble again? Will anyone? What’s going to happen to you when you’ve run out of people to lean on in times of trouble? Are you running everyone’s patience thin?

Your family doesn’t want you to pay them back — what they want is for you to come home and start a normal life. Why can’t you accept that? Why can’t you accept that it’s time to grow up and move on from this dream.

Remember when you wanted to be a Major League Baseball player? You moved on from that dream and you were just a kid at the time. Now, you’re much older and more capable of making decisions that will benefit your future.

Yet, you can’t.

You’re stuck. And, now, anxiety is crippling you. You know you don’t feel like you used to. You can’t be happy for more than a day before anxiety is at the front door again.

Don’t you wonder if giving up this desire to prove people wrong would give you back your peace of mind? Isn’t moving home and settling down the solution to that? Do you even want to feel normal again?

You have got to set a deadline for yourself. How much more time are you willing to sacrifice? Six months? One year? You have been at this shit for five years now with an empty bank account to show.

One of these days you are really going to fuck yourself up and get a girl pregnant. Can you even imagine how you will afford to care for another human being? You are 25-years-old. These kinds of things happen to 25-year-olds. Why do you think you are so immune? How will you explain that to Mom when the day comes?

Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash

How can you continue living with this feeling everything is about to spiral out of control? How much longer can you continue to put on this persona that you have everything within your grasp?

You have run out of cards to play. Your hand is empty. You have no more tricks up your sleeve.

But, there is hope.

The constant belief that you are one lucky break away from making something out of this. One gig from making things happen for yourself. One connection from finding your true calling.

So, you continue to scrape by in hopes of hitting your stride. Your ultimate goal is to go home on your own terms — not because you had to. One day, people will start to ask you how you did it and you will convince them anyone can do it.

One day, you will have the financial freedom to change things. You will have the freedom to do what you really want while seeing the world.

That’s the whole reason you’re doing this traveling, isn’t it? You will be able to change lives and put your money to good causes because you know it makes you happy — as selfish as it is.

For now, don’t rush yourself. Give the plan some more time. Trust the process. Rome wasn’t built in a day and you are buying yourself time with little wins right now. You are building. People see the progress. More importantly, you can recognize the progress yourself.

Your friends at home keep complaining about how frustrated they are at their jobs, too. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Luckily, you didn’t rush home the first time your best friend brought home adult money. You are not living their dream, you are going after yours.

Don’t go after crumbs when you can envision the whole pie. You’re not there yet, but you are getting closer every day. Keep focusing on what you can control and keep your dreams leveled. Understand where you want to be. Don’t be too quick to accept less than you know you are good for.

The hard times are nearing their end. Meanwhile, keep enjoying this alternative life you’ve carved for yourself. Nothing is ever a given, so, don’t take it for granted.

Originally published here.