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Why love is never the answer, and being alone is not the solution.

I’m not very familiar with the conceptual definition of love, or if it is even reasonable to think about a definition for love (I’d have to check this). I guess I’m assuming that each one of us has its own meaning for it, or at least our own perspective.


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Anastasia Osik

a year ago | 3 min read

I’m not very familiar with the conceptual definition of love, or if it is even reasonable to think about a definition for love (I’d have to check this). I guess I’m assuming that each one of us has its own meaning for it, or at least our own perspective. I don’t think that two people could agree on one, some would even argue that this definition changes with time but a definition should be perpetual in time, right?. If you are curious about mine (and yes I do have one, a very good one indeed), I’ll leave the best for last.

I’d like to talk about love, because, for the time being, it is to be thought one of our long lost pursues in life. From an evolutionary perspective, it had only breeding purposes, maintaining so the evolution of the species.

It is clear the part that a male plays in the procreation process, but from an external and very unattached point of view, that is where his part ends.Females have the precious and marvelous gift of being able to give birth, but here comes the problem.How is she going to support the newborn? She needs protection, a home, food, a large and tedious etcetera. What was the solution for that? Well, easy. In those prehistoric times, a woman needed a man that could provide them with all of that. In reality, it is a bit more tricky than this, at first and by living in tribes, we could assume that there is support from the group. But honestly, Homo sapiens sapiens weren’t made for sharing.We don’t like that, it scares us, it’s dangerous, it brings problems, it brings drama and we are above that.

So, here it comes. A woman couldn’t letHERman be with other women of the tribe, that was just unacceptable.The solution, establishing an official connection. A marriage. A union. However you want to call this disastrous invention of humanity. Here it started because of a necessity, maybe there could be an attraction between both procreators…but love? That wasn’t invented yet.

I believe that love is an invention, a creation that has its purpose for the evolution theory. It does play a big role in how far we’ve come as a species. Yet, I am unable to understand how marriage, a union between two individuals, helps us survive.Aren’t orgies easier for procreation? (from a probabilistic point of view).With this, I’m just trying to understand how is it possible that sticking with one person for the rest of our lives gives us better opportunities for evolution and natural selection. This brings up the point of marriage being a social invention, needed for moral reasons and for complying with certain standards that must come from a socially accepted point of view.

And yes, I know. I’m wrong. I’m assuming that marriage means to love and vice-versa. It is not the same, marriage is a socially acceptable invention. Love is a chemical reaction, something that can’t be invented.

My definition of love, and one which I crazily stand by starts with the undeniable fact that it is when you can leaveEVERYTHINGbehind (your job, your friends, your family, your city,..) and just start with your lover from nothing in a new place, where no one knows you, without looking behind. You just wouldn’t think that there is another option.Because there isn’t. And the first millisecond where you can doubt your feelings, it just isn’t it. Leave them, not the “one”. Not your “other half”.

This brings me to the magnificent story behind the search for our “other half”. I must cite the Ancient Greek mythologies, in times of the Olympus with Monsters, Titans, and Gods. In Mount Olympus, Gods lived freely without any worry and feasted now and then.The myth says that the first humans that were created and put on Earth were of three kinds: male, female, and a combination of both.The latter ones were assumed to be much stronger, much larger, and much scarier, they had four arms and four legs.These horrendous creatures scared the Gods. Something had to be done. As always, and like in every great story we need a hero. In this case, it was Zeus, who decided to cut these terrible creatures in half.

These halves were damned for their whole existence to find the other one.

Could we be those halves? The answer is maybe, at least sometimes it feels like it. Should we let ourselves be “the other half”? Well, I guess yes. Why not? What are we risking? Are we risking ourselves? Maybe, but isn’t that love? A risk? Yeah, it is.

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Anastasia Osik

Aerospace engineer curious about psychology, neuroscience, human behavior and why we think how we think.


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